


drag you down

by lvl777



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, i spent like 3 months working on this i hope yall like it, there rly isnt much 2 tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvl777/pseuds/lvl777
Summary: "You're afraid of losing me, aren't you?""I'm not afraid of anything."orwhere andrew and neil talk about their fears. well, mostly neil.





	drag you down

They’d been fine two weeks ago, wrapped up in their usual bickering, exchanging cigarettes for kisses and kisses for delicate touches followed by whispered needs, wants, and mindbogglingly high percentages on the roof of Fox Tower. Now, they were in the same place, but for different reasons. Reasons that may get Neil thrown off the rooftop if he’s not careful.

It began when Neil had received a letter from the Moriyama’s; a reminder (read: threat) to keep himself out of trouble or he’d soon come to regret it. Andrew had snagged it when he wasn’t looking and next thing he knew he was grilling him on what “trouble” they were referring to exactly. It just spun out from there. Soon enough, Andrew and his Maserati were gone and Neil was left asking Matt if he could patch up their wall for the 3rd time this month.

Andrew had become increasingly distant since then, coming back to the dorm later and later each night and having hushed conversations on the phone with someone almost every time he tried to approach him. Neil knew better than to assume the worst, he trusted Andrew wholeheartedly and Andrew trusted him just as much in return. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned with his sudden change in behavior.

It took a lengthy conversation with Renee and a few more nights with Andrew coming in late, drunk and too angry to meet Neil’s gaze to figure it out. So, here he was. In their usual place, at the usual time, waiting for the door to the roof to creak open to signify Andrew’s arrival. After 20 minutes, he finally heard the click of the door unlocking and the soft footfalls that he recognized as none other than the Foxes’ smallest yet, debatably, most aggressive goalie.

He was shocked Andrew didn’t turn on his heel right then and there when he caught sight of him. Instead, he strolled right up to Neil as if nothing ever changed, stopping himself at the ledge but not joining him on top of it.

“You’re afraid of losing me, aren’t you?” The first thing Neil has been able to say to him without Andrew glaring him into silence. He readjusted his position on the ledge, pulling his legs up and crossing them in front of him. Andrew shoved a hand into his pocket and took out his wrinkled carton of cigarettes, shaking one out into his open palm.

“I’m not afraid of anything,” Andrew corrected, twirling the stick between his fingers. He tilted his head to the side as if to examine it for any defects. After a beat, he shrugged, seemingly satisfied, and placed the cigarette between his lips. Neil swiftly plucked it out of his mouth before he had a chance to light it, earning an irritated scoff in return as Andrew replaced the stolen cigarette with a new one.

“You’re afraid of heights,” Neil reminded.

Andrew hummed, losing interest rather quickly with wherever Neil was steering this train wreck of a conversation. He decided to drop it for now, opting to watch as Andrew lit his own cigarette then held out the lighter for Neil to do the same.

The tension between them returned soon after, choking both of them into silence. Typically, Neil liked when it was quiet, when he could just look up and watch the stars instead of his back. When he could close his eyes and relax, filling his lungs with nicotine and leaning into Andrew’s every touch. Calloused hands brushing a stray lock of hair out of his face then a gentle fingertip mapping out the sharp lines of his jaw and cheekbones. Andrew was gentle, if he had another death wish he’d even say soft. The silence, however, was not. This silence was heavy, the kind that looms over you like a storm cloud in tornado alley. The silence that screams to be broken by words that refuse to be said. The silence that threatened to ruin everything they’ve built… to transform it into nothing.

“Do you want to know what I’m afraid of?”

“Not really.” Andrew seemed to notice he didn’t have a choice in the matter, bored as he was. He succumbed to his fate with the light of another cigarette.

“I’m afraid of knives,” Neil said slowly, testing how the words flowed off his tongue and spilled from his lips. “I’m afraid of becoming the man my father wanted me to be. I’m afraid of being left behind,” He paused, turning his head to assess Andrew’s reaction. His mouth was pressed in a thin line and his jaw was wound so tight the veins in his neck were starting to protrude from underneath the skin; harsh blues contrasting against the smooth, pale flesh splayed above it. Andrew was a ticking time bomb and Neil was the detonator.

Perhaps if Neil wasn’t so stubborn, he wouldn’t have continued — or at least would have thought over what he was going to say for more than a few measly seconds — but they needed to do this. They couldn’t go on the way they were and he knew Andrew knew that just as well as he did. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t put up a fight. That would be far too easy.

“I’m... afraid of not being interesting enough.” He left out the _for you_ , but it was clear Andrew pieced together what he meant by the way he bristled beside him, fingers digging into the concrete ledge till there was blood leaking from his fingertips. Neil sucked in a shaky breath and forced himself to go on before he talked himself out of it. “That one day you will look at me and see nothing but another waste of your time.”

“You should stop talking now,” Andrew warned, a sharp edge bleeding into his voice. Neil could practically hear the timer ticking down, see the numbers flashing dangerously bright behind Andrew’s narrowed eyes. But when has the threat of certain death ever stopped him before?

“And... I’m afraid of...” He trailed off, his mouth refusing to relay the rest of the sentence that his mind was screaming as loud as it could. His throat burned as he tried desperately to cough out the words, but it was too late. When he glanced back at Andrew he saw the tension in his body had twisted and morphed into something much worse; much uglier and much more dangerous. Neil could see the pain swirling behind his eyes, but he only caught a glimpse of it before he saw the timer hit zero.

He didn’t even have a chance to run for cover.

Andrew harshly shoved himself away from the ledge, discarding his emotionless act along with his still lit cigarette over the ledge. Neil could almost hear Andrew’s teeth grinding over the sound of him cursing under his breath. He turned his back on Neil and began flexing his fingers in frustration before balling them into fists and repeating the process over again. He was upset about something, trying and failing to keep his temper in check. He’d never witnessed him do this to such an extent before, only witnessing snippets of it until Andrew would order him to leave. He was stunned, unable to take his eyes off such a bizarre scene. The pacing, the muffled cursing, the flexing; it was unlike anything he’d ever seen from Andrew. But he didn’t have time to bask in it.

“I knew it!” Andrew seethed through clenched teeth. “I fucking knew it!” He raised his fist to strike the door, but, rather uncharacteristically, he froze; muscles still tight with rage but refusing to strike. Neil moved to slide off the ledge, but a fierce ‘don’t’ stopped him in his tracks. He couldn’t tell if Andrew had really said it or if his survival skills had finally kicked in. Either way, it was better safe than sorry.

Seconds pass, minutes, it could have even been hours. The only thing to be heard on the rooftop was Andrew’s rushed breathing and the incessant voice ringing in Neil’s head telling him the things that he would really appreciate not hearing right now. Soon, Andrew’s panting ceased as he gathered the mess of feelings he hadn’t meant to spill.

Finally, Neil stirred up the courage to speak. “What did you know?” He whispered, his voice lost its prior confidence and was barely audible above the shouts of wasted college athletes and screeching car alarms.

“That you really are just a pipe dream.”

“What are you talking about?” Andrew refused to elaborate, instead staring straight at — no, through — Neil.

“Andrew.” He persists. This time he actually meets Neil’s eyes, but his expression remains painfully flat. He doesn’t say a word. “I said it once, I’ll say it again. I am not a pipe dream.”

“You are nothing.”

“Yes.” Neil softened just a bit at that, remembering the conversation they’d had a long time ago. It gave him the courage he needed to continue. “Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“You have a brain in that junkie head of yours, do you not? Figure it out.”

Neil’s eyebrows knit in confusion, but he tried to think back. It started exactly 2 weeks ago today, they’d just come home from Columbia and Andrew had found the letter from the Moriyama’s. After that, they fought and Andrew….

“...The dorm?” Neil remembered it clearly now, almost like an epiphany, how could he have not noticed it before? “Andrew, is this about when you punched a hole in our wall?”

He shrugged, picking at his nails to distract himself, but Neil could see right through it. He saw the cracks in Andrew’s crudely fixed mask and saw the answer staring right back at him.

Neil sucked in a breath then let out an exasperated laugh. It was an ugly sounding thing, desperate and pathetic, probably just like how Andrew thought his next words sounded. “Andrew, that’s- It wasn’t like that. It was just sudden, that’s all, I, I wasn’t expecting it. I know you would never hurt me.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Andrew, I trust you.”

“Shut up.”

“You know I trust you or else I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

“I said, shut up,” He hissed, a sadistic smile boiling up to his lips. It looked unnatural on him after he’d been sober for so long. It looked as if someone was forcefully stretching and tugging Andrew’s skin taut to make such a heinous face envelope his features. Despite the large distance between the two, he leaned forward menacingly. “Or do I have to shove you off the ledge to make myself clear?”

Neil rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth glued shut. A smart move on his part considering he doesn’t doubt Andrew’s homicidal rage for a second. He watches as Andrew scoffs and turns to leave.

He knew this was his last shot for if he let him go there would be no turning back for them. There would be no fixing this, whatever it was. And, quite frankly, Neil didn’t know how he would live with that. So he took his chance.

“I’m afraid of not being able to go home!” Neil shouted, but he couldn’t tell whether or not he was yelling it to make sure Andrew heard him or he himself would.

This made Andrew stop dead, seemingly forgetting whatever venom coated retort he was about to fling at him next. He closed his mouth, then opened and closed it again. His eye even started to twitch out of frustration. Andrew despised being speechless and, to be fair, it was an incredibly difficult feat to achieve. But Neil had a knack at things that could lead to an untimely death. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me.”

“Don’t get cocky, junkie.” Andrew warned, but it lacked the same sharpness as earlier. In fact, one could even hypothesize there was a tad of relief hidden in there. That is, if they didn’t know what was good for them. “You are an idiot.”

Neil hummed, nodding thoughtfully in agreement. “That I am,” he paused to glance back at Andrew, “But that’s what makes me interesting, no?”

Andrew didn’t reply, though it was the truth. Instead he stood there, locked into place by his own stubbornness and uncertainty. Arms crossed over his chest and a question on the tip of his tongue. “Yes.” Neil patted the spot beside him, “Come sit with me?”

“And why would I do that?” He asked, but Neil could hear the heavy breath Andrew let escape. He could also hear the shuffling of his shoes as he slowly approached the ledge once again.

Neil held out his hand, his palm facing towards the stars just in case he felt like reaching out. He knew there was a slim chance Andrew would take it, however, to possibly both of their surprise, he did. Though, remarkably hesitant at first, he slowly felt the warmth of his palm spread across his own. Neil interlocked their fingers and forced down the smile crawling its way to his lips.

“Because when I jump I still need to drag you down with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> i spent SO long writing this but i think im finally happy w it. please let me know wht u guys think and if i should write more fics in the future. though i cant rly promise they won't take as long or even longer than this one did lol


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